About this girl…

I am a practicing christian who fell in love with the Lord three years ago, and still in love with Him. My journey with God has undeniably been the best part of my life and every time I look back to my life, I can’t help wishing that I had met the Lord much earlier. I think, if I had met God a little bit earlier, I would have made different life choices and that I would have lived my life to the fullest. But then again, when I look back, I can see God working in my life, using my mistakes and all the wrong decisions, all the foul attitude and brokenness and bringing them together, using them to drive my life to His footstool.

When I joined university, I thought life would be as good as it is sometimes implied in the movies and magazines. I had a best-friend from high school who found the Lord during the holidays right before our first year of university. I had not seen her in more than half a year till I joined university, and she had changed, involved in ministry at church and talking about the joy she got from knowing the Lord. This shattered a few of my dreams because I thought we would be crazy together in this new found “freedom” and now her priorities were different. I thought to myself that I could be “me” and she could be her new found self and still be friends. In the name of being friends I got to attend some of the church activities, attending a few at first and many more as time went on.

I will not forget that day when door to door preachers came into my room, it was just two of them, but they were telling me things that I had heard over and over again; that Jesus loved me and in him was fullness of joy, they went on and on about how he died for me on the cross and how that is the biggest act of love. I had ever heard all this and it did not change my life permanently the first a hundred times I heard it. At 21 I had given my life to God over ten times and then turned around and taken it back from Him each time because I did not see him keeping all those promises He made in the bible. I felt like he was too slow for me. I knew God loved me and I was very sorry I just did not feel the same way, I could not love him long enough to sustain a relationship. These preachers had a lot to say and I recall making a promise to myself, that I would consider giving my life to God, but I had to make a few changes in my life first so that I wouldn’t have to go to Him so imperfect and stinky with sin.

In my own strength, I failed to make long term changes satisfactory enough to guarantee that I was ready to go to God, so I gave up my endeavors. One day, while attending a lunch time fellowship at school, I felt exhausted, I was tired of feeling insufficient, not good enough, feeling dissatisfied with my circumstances, I was tired of trying to prove myself to the world and keeping up with the standards. My life was real empty for I chased everything I thought brings joy and all I got was short term happiness, I wanted something that would last. I remember thinking that I was not yet ready to hand over my life to God, that life with God was very restricting and limiting, full of “don’t do this” and ” don’t do that”. At the end of the session, we all bowed down our heads to pray, I remember crying for I felt stranded and the only way forward was to this “very limiting world” and my life as I knew it was coming to an end. I just wanted to be happy! I really cried out to God to help me and at that time the preacher said, “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”(Romans 10:9), and that is what I did, I opened my mouth and I confessed that Jesus is Lord, I then asked Him to come into my life.

Friends, I can not begin to describe, the happiness and joy that began to flood into my life, and my life has never been the same again. I was in love, I then understood what an intimate relationship with God was, I tasted this Joy that my friend had been talking about, I came to understand God’s love for me. Initially I was worried that this would be like the other times I took back my life from God, but little did I know that this time, God was never going to let go of me. God has been teaching me more and more and he has really been faithful and patient with me. 2 Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” This verse made me see  God differently, and above all very thankful to Him. I realise now that the world I so much loved was actually restricting and limiting me, for I could not be myself as I had to keep up with certain standards, while with God, there is so much freedom and I can actually be who I really am.

Am I perfect now? NO!, I am not. God is still teaching me and transforming my life, i still error. The difference between this girl and the other girl is that, this girl constantly runs to the Lord, she understands so much the love of God and that He forgives the repentant heart. God does not need you to be perfect to let him in your life, for Luke 5:31-32 says (…Jesus answered, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance”). However messed up you think you are, let God in on that mess for it is not by our strength, but rather it is God who works in us both to will and to work for His good pleasure (Phillipians 2:13).